Scholars have long debated why so many foods remind us of private parts. And, by extension, why we put them in our mouths. Which came first, the chicken or the dick joke?

I’ll leave that question for future generations, but in the meantime, thanks to the new, oh-so-fork-able DEVOUR™ frozen meals, I have been granted funding to determine, once and for all, a scientific ranking of the foods that make us think of fork-ing all night long. Here they are, in a very particular order:

Tier One

42. Eggplant

41. A peach

40. Half a peach

39. Banana

38. Vienna sausages

37. Hot dog

36. Hot beef

35. Corn on the cob

34. Donut

33. Jelly donut

32. Boston cream donut

31. Hot dog approaching the hole of a donut

Tier Two

30. Oysters

29. Nuts

28. These Nuts

27. Butter

26. Nut Butter

25. Zucchini

24. Pudding

23. Chocolate

22. Cherries

21. Strawberries

20. Raspberries

19. Whoreberries

Tier Three

18. Lollipops

17. Popsicles

16. Pickles (spears)

15. Pickles (whole)

14. Squash

13. Cucumbers

12. Hot cheese

11. Mature cheese (if that’s your thing)

Tier 69

10. Tacos

9. Sushi

8. Sushi on a naked lady

7. Sushi on a naked lady who is holding a zucchini in each hand

6. Ice

5. Ice cream (cone not cup)

4. Hot fudge sundae

3. Hot fudge sundae with a banana

2. Hot fudge sundae with a banana and nuts

1. Hot fudge sundae with a banana, nuts, and whipped cream in the shape of boobs with a cherry on top of each boob

The previous foods might make us think of sex, but only in a conceptual way; the new DEVOUR™ frozen meals are so ridiculously delicious that they are basically orgasmic. Try everything from the Pulled Chicken Burrito Bowl to Buffalo Chicken Mac & Cheese (OMFG), available in your local freezer aisle. You’ll crave them — and eat them — in a whole new way.

Hunter Slaton is the Content Director for Studio@Gawker.

Illustrations by Alex Cannon.

This post is a sponsored collaboration between DEVOUR™ and Studio@Gawker.